Be True To Yourself & Turn Integrity Into a Superpower
I was living my life out of integrity...
Frankly, I was lucky I hadn't hurt anyone or myself. For years I was reckless, dumb, and careless. I used to think that the "be true to yourself" idea was a load of BS. I would drink and drive far too often, and I'm not talking about as a teenager but as a late twenty and early thirty-something.
I would sleep with women I didn't like, sometimes didn't know very well, and often wasn't safe.
I cheated in relationships and often manipulated the truth. I wasn't honest with myself or others.
I gambled away money on sports I didn't have.
I talked about things I would do and rarely took any action.
I worked out daily but hated my body and how I felt in it.
I was reactive at work and in my career, often victimized by bosses and circumstances.
I usually wasn't happy going to work, but I'd think, what choice did I have? So I lied to myself and others about it.
I spent more time complaining about how life should be than doing anything to make it different.
I spent most of my time judging others, complaining, being frustrated, and being annoyed. I distracted myself with sports, chasing women, drinking alcohol, and spending money on things I couldn't afford, like cars, electronics, and trips.
My whole life was lived in response to not feeling good enough, feeling like I was and would always disappoint others, and from deep insecurity and fear.
I had lived like this for so long that I convinced myself and others that this was who I authentically was and liked living this way. The lie stuck as long as shit didn't hit the fan and looked good from the outside.
And because the lie could be hidden, I believed and was pretty righteous that it wasn't me that was f*cked up or out of integrity; it was everyone else and the world.
Looking back, I didn't realize how sad, unhappy, lost, confused, and frustrated I was. I was so disconnected from my true self. I was lost and had spent so much time pushing down emotions that I could barely feel anything other than hedonistic pleasures.
These pleasures, my denial, and having it all look good on the surface could keep the lie alive for a long time. Still, eventually, the emptiness inside of me would swallow up that lie, also.
Now, thank God, I'm not in jail, but more so that I never hurt or killed someone or myself. I'm so grateful I'm not a father to a child I didn't intend to have, paying child support to a woman I don't love or barely know.
That I found my way out and am not still working jobs, I don't like just to pay the bills. I'm so grateful I didn't marry the wrong person. And feel very fortunate that I was able to transform my relationship with alcohol, drugs, sports, porn, tv, and all the other things that used to dull the pain.
I woke up thinking about what my life might have been had this not changed. Have you ever wondered what your life would be if you walked a different path? Made different choices. Said yes instead of no, and took a risk instead of hiding behind fear. Traveled the world instead of going to college.
Quit the job you didn't like, but you kept for the financial security or health insurance and tried your hand at your own business. What if you ended the good enough relationship and called the one that got away?
I don't know why I was lucky enough to get through all that. Still, more unexpected to have woken up eight years ago with the courage, awareness, and willingness to change my life, career, and mindset and lean wholly into living from integrity.
Integrity changed my life!
It didn't only save it, but it transformed it and made what was previously impossible possible and my current reality.
What did integrity allow me to create?
First and foremost, being at such peace with myself and so happy and proud of myself and my life. It's supported me to make the most money I've ever made. Running a business that has grown 20-50% every year.
It led me to the most loving, supportive, and perfect relationship; that's easy, fun, deep, and filled with passion and intellectual & spiritual stimulation. It supported me in buying my first house a mile from the beach in San Diego. And it's given me the ability to cultivate deeply connected, loving, and amazing friendships and improve my relationship with my parents.
Integrity didn't just save my life; it became my superpower!
It takes bravery and a willingness to step into the discomfort of the unknown to change, but it's so worth it. It takes a sh*t ton of courage to admit you're out of integrity with yourself.
But here's the best part. You have that in you. You have the courage. I'm not better or more special than you by any means. Integrity isn't just available for me, it's here for you too, but nobody can claim it for you. It's a lifeline to transform any life.
While I can't give you integrity or even create it for you, I can support you in discovering what it means for you. To cultivate and create what it means to be in integrity with yourself and the life you desire. This is where extraordinary lives are imagined and built, on the backbone of integrity.
The Alchemy of Men Retreat is a pathway to rediscovering and creating what integrity means for you and what would be possible in your life if you transformed your relationship with it.
The time is now.
The moment is now.
You are ready because you say so.
This life passes by fast. Every moment you delay. Every time you pass on something. Every time you make an excuse, you sacrifice the extraordinary life you could be living. You miss out on the loving relationships you could have and the exciting career you could be working.
This is another opportunity. What will you do with it?
And remember you can also check out my other blog posts:
You've Been Doing Surrender All Wrong