I spoke to a woman today. She wanted to get some support around her marriage. I will share this piece with you:
She said, "I'm not going to kick my man while he's down. He's working so hard. He's so stressed out. He doesn't sleep well. I feel so badly for him because I know how hard he's pushing himself. And he doesn't get how it feels to be me (his wife). I feel alone. At times I feel depressed. I ask him what I can do for him, and he says, don't worry about it, it's fine, I got it. When we have time together, he's preoccupied; he's not there. He's thinking about work. He's worried. His mind is racing. I'm afraid of what all this stress, frustration, and endless being busy are doing to him. He's only 42, and I'm worried he might snap or, worse, have a heart attack or cancer."
She went on to tell me (in tears), "It's hard to admit this, but I'm losing the desire to be with him. He doesn't see how much pain I'm in being with someone who can't connect with me. I used to admire him. And now it's becoming hard to respect him."
Men, when your wives, girlfriends, or partners suggest therapy or when they tell you about a coach you should check out, you're often in a dangerous place. While many people seek support when things are excellent to thrive or go to the next level, most of us wait until there is a problem we can no longer ignore. Men, when we don't consider the impact of the grind we are on. When we don't see how our success or survival tunnel vision, our lack of sharing, being able to talk or ask questions and our inability to be fully present with each other, we unintentionally drive our partners away.
And it doesn't have to be this way. We can have it all. We can make money and be successful while being healthy, happy, not stressed out, and present with our loved ones. We can learn to communicate, share, and talk; it doesn't have to be hard. We can improve and grow and ask for help; it doesn't make us weak. Our needing to be lone wolves, to be strong, tough, hustle, suck it up, and work harder is impacting our loved ones and our leadership (not to mention our mental health), and it doesn't have to be this way.
There is another way.
There are many other ways.
We can have it all.
But we have to be willing to get support. To be open to a new and different way to win and succeed.