Why does it always have to be so f*cking hard?!
"Why does it always have to be so f*cking hard?!"
That's what one of my male clients exclaimed this week.
I then asked him, "Why do you love chaos?"
To which he said, "What are you talking about? I don't love chaos."
I said, "Are you sure? Because it does seem like you create a lot of it."
He paused and took it in.
I asked him again, "Why do you love chaos?"
To make a long story short, what we discovered together in this session is that he was exposed to a lot of chaos through most of the stages of his life and upbringing. Lots of yelling, anger, and things being "hard." He could recall so many childhood and teenage moments where from his perspective, the experience his parents often created was an experience of things never going right, lots of fights, and a lot of expressed anger.
A lot of us grew up in households where things felt chaotic. It might not have been anger, fights, or things seeming so challenging, but maybe it was a parent struggling to pay the bills, drug or alcohol issues, parents not getting along, a sibling that created challenges for the family or us, or a parent dealing with anxiety or depression.
After years of exposure to this as a young person, this becomes normal. Even if it's not what any of us would consciously say is normal, it becomes our subconscious normal.
It's About Surviving All Along
We learn to survive and feel comfortable in these situations. And since, through brain research and science, we know the subconscious rules our world and perspective and creates the reality in which we live, it is not a surprise that as we grow up, we recreate the chaos because it makes life feel the way we subconsciously believe life is supposed to feel.
So we date the wrong people, we spend money in a way that gets us into trouble, we make bad hires or behave in a way that makes our employees quit, we let our emotions control us, we operate from fear or scarcity, and we don't plan ahead, therefore creating situations over and over where we are rushed, late, and anxious.
And then we get pissed off, depressed, anxious, and frustrated that our lives, relationships, money, and careers/businesses aren't going the way we want. But it doesn't have to be that way.
How Coaching Can Help
Through coaching, we heal and reprogram how our minds operate. We make you aware of how your mind sabotages you or creates your life like this. And when you can see how you are creating it, you can do things differently and then create new results. For some of my clients, it happens fast.
They clean up messes, fix marriages, get happier, expand their businesses rapidly, and start loving their lives. And with other clients, it takes more time. There is no right or wrong, no speed it's supposed to go, but in the end, almost all of them get to a place where life doesn't feel so hard anymore.
Interested or curious about business coaching, life coaching, or success coaching? Let's chat (https://AlexTeranovaDreamMason.as.me/20MinuteCoachingExplorationCall )
And remember you can also check out my other blog posts:
Men Don't Have an Inherent Responsibility to Lead, Provide & Protect